(no subject)
Jan. 15th, 2020 04:00 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
brin_bellway[cw: amnesia, poverty, anxiety, probably venting]
Today I reached the part of my WordPress formatting where I had to face this post, and its *twelve* broken links that I can do nothing about.
(Not counting the "sometimes he joins us" one, which is also broken but which the Internet Archive happened to pick up in time.)
---
I know, I know, I've done a lot. Fifteen-year-old me had backups good enough to shrug off an abruptly broken laptop†, and I've only gotten better since. And if I made that post today I'd know how to handle it better, how to construct it more robustly. This won't happen again, at least not so easily.
It's still...sad, I guess? I don't know, I don't tend to conceptualise my emotions as "sadness" very often. Things that sadden other people mostly tend to make me angry and/or scared, or so I think of it.
---
Between [annual car insurance] and university and just a dip in income, I've burned through half of my meagre stockpile of money this month.
As always, when one aspect of the world is dangerous in a way that I can do little about (at least in the short term), I cope by making it safer in other aspects. I find other needles and daggers in the armory of Damocles over my head, take them down, put them away. Bit by bit, the world is made right. Every post that I fix, every story I preserve, is a little shard of pain resolved.
Yesterday I went and learned how to rip DVDs. I'll have to wait a few more applications of Moore's Law before it's feasible for me to keep my entire DVD collection with me (I think 2 TB would suffice: I'm not a heavy consumer of video), but I wanted to know how and also I think I *am* ready, storage-space-wise, to keep virtual backups of my CD-ROMs.
(and God knows I've had enough CD-ROMs break over the years)
I'll probably finish the WordPress first, though. I've had this particular sword over me for thirteen months, and I want it gone.
---
I can see the way the world should be. It will be beautiful, and it will be mine.
---
†"All I lost were the Nethack games (I'll have to investigate into means of backing-up those as well), so I don't feel that sad; just a bit shocked."
Today I reached the part of my WordPress formatting where I had to face this post, and its *twelve* broken links that I can do nothing about.
(Not counting the "sometimes he joins us" one, which is also broken but which the Internet Archive happened to pick up in time.)
---
I know, I know, I've done a lot. Fifteen-year-old me had backups good enough to shrug off an abruptly broken laptop†, and I've only gotten better since. And if I made that post today I'd know how to handle it better, how to construct it more robustly. This won't happen again, at least not so easily.
It's still...sad, I guess? I don't know, I don't tend to conceptualise my emotions as "sadness" very often. Things that sadden other people mostly tend to make me angry and/or scared, or so I think of it.
---
Between [annual car insurance] and university and just a dip in income, I've burned through half of my meagre stockpile of money this month.
As always, when one aspect of the world is dangerous in a way that I can do little about (at least in the short term), I cope by making it safer in other aspects. I find other needles and daggers in the armory of Damocles over my head, take them down, put them away. Bit by bit, the world is made right. Every post that I fix, every story I preserve, is a little shard of pain resolved.
Yesterday I went and learned how to rip DVDs. I'll have to wait a few more applications of Moore's Law before it's feasible for me to keep my entire DVD collection with me (I think 2 TB would suffice: I'm not a heavy consumer of video), but I wanted to know how and also I think I *am* ready, storage-space-wise, to keep virtual backups of my CD-ROMs.
(and God knows I've had enough CD-ROMs break over the years)
I'll probably finish the WordPress first, though. I've had this particular sword over me for thirteen months, and I want it gone.
---
I can see the way the world should be. It will be beautiful, and it will be mine.
---
†"All I lost were the Nethack games (I'll have to investigate into means of backing-up those as well), so I don't feel that sad; just a bit shocked."
no subject
Date: 2020-01-15 09:10 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-01-16 12:44 pm (UTC)There is a deep melancholy to the world making you notice entropy. Apparently my backups re: laptop didn't include my audiobooks, presumably because they're huge and I could always just rip them from the CDs again. Except now they're two continents away. It's not a huge loss; I prefer music anyway. But still.
Also do you want a hug? If so *hugs*.
no subject
Date: 2020-01-16 03:51 pm (UTC)The thing I'm working on right now is something that's been bothering me for a long time, and while the awareness varies in acuity it is pretty much always there.
It's hard to feel *enough* gratitude for the results of previous occasions, but I think it is only in the way that it's always hard to feel properly grateful for an absence of pain.
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>>I could always just rip them from the CDs again. Except now they're two continents away.<<
Have someone else rip them for you and put them in a shared Google Drive or similar?
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>>Also do you want a hug? If so *hugs*.<<
I finally coaxed my work schedule for the week out of Meta-Boss, and I've got three days in a row of tight deadlines and intrigue to look forward to. I suppose it beats not getting paid, but still, I could do with a *lot* of hugs.
(We had a good work environment when I started there, but I always knew that--even with our relatively low employee turnover--there was a chance I would outlast that environment, and I did. Most current staff members are plotting against most other staff members: in particular, *both* New Manager and Meta-Boss have had it out for me since I tried to [rat the former out to the latter regarding attempted food-safety violations] back in August.)
((Today I ordered a(n audio-only) personal dashcam (not *solely* for this reason, but it was a major contributor), though using recordings from that is definitely a last resort: if any dirt on them gets back to corporate, there's *no* way they won't either figure out or assume that it was me, and that sounds like a fast-track to a permanent one-shift-per-week restriction (the closest Meta-Boss ever gets to firing people, AFAICT). Can't keep a roof over your head on one shift a week. On the bright side, there's a feedback mechanism: the more severe and frequent my shift restrictions are, the more time I have for studying, the faster I graduate and can start looking for another job. I can only hope being an accounting clerk is as peaceful as [all the people complaining about how boring it is] claim.))
no subject
Date: 2020-01-16 04:12 pm (UTC)(Realistically, I don't think I'm going use those audiobooks so I can't be bothered trying to get someone at home to find and rip them; better to ask them to send me cat pictures or recipes from an objective life quality perspective)