Set and setting
Jan. 5th, 2022 11:19 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
brin_bellway[cw: illness]
(part 1)
---
Unlike my two Pfizer doses, this one is *not* indistinguishable from saline.
I lay in bed at 4:45 AM, trying to sleep through the bone-deep ache, and I thought about a scene in a story I read once where a phoenix describes what it's like to be consumed in flame and reborn:
It's...honestly kind of fascinating, to be able to experience (in an attenuated form) the qualia of influenza without being sick. And not just as something clean, but as something *cleansing*.
(In the past ~14 years since I last had flu-like symptoms, I've gained a lot more experience with detecting the subtle distinctions between different kinds of tiredness, and it was interesting to note that this tiredness wasn't quite the same as any of them.
Shortly before midnight I spent a few minutes shivering without feeling cold, and I grinned, thinking about how much better the circumstances were than the *last* time that happened.)
I willingly chose this: not just vaccination, but *specifically* a brand with a reputation for causing stronger side effects in exchange for stronger protection. This is the bargain I made, and I pay the price gladly.
---
Right now the aching and fatigue have faded a lot, though not to nothing. I already promised myself I would take it easy today regardless of how I was doing: I didn't want to risk feeling subconsciously punished for not being sick enough, didn't want my body to have to *force* me to rest and recuperate.
Of course, "fun" is something very individual: I'm thinking I might start writing up the cashflow spreadsheet for 2021. :)
(part 1)
---
Unlike my two Pfizer doses, this one is *not* indistinguishable from saline.
I lay in bed at 4:45 AM, trying to sleep through the bone-deep ache, and I thought about a scene in a story I read once where a phoenix describes what it's like to be consumed in flame and reborn:
It burned, it was agony, but it was a cleansing agony, like the feeling of ripping off a scab or drenching a cut in rubbing alcohol, times a thousand.
It's...honestly kind of fascinating, to be able to experience (in an attenuated form) the qualia of influenza without being sick. And not just as something clean, but as something *cleansing*.
(In the past ~14 years since I last had flu-like symptoms, I've gained a lot more experience with detecting the subtle distinctions between different kinds of tiredness, and it was interesting to note that this tiredness wasn't quite the same as any of them.
Shortly before midnight I spent a few minutes shivering without feeling cold, and I grinned, thinking about how much better the circumstances were than the *last* time that happened.)
I willingly chose this: not just vaccination, but *specifically* a brand with a reputation for causing stronger side effects in exchange for stronger protection. This is the bargain I made, and I pay the price gladly.
---
Right now the aching and fatigue have faded a lot, though not to nothing. I already promised myself I would take it easy today regardless of how I was doing: I didn't want to risk feeling subconsciously punished for not being sick enough, didn't want my body to have to *force* me to rest and recuperate.
Of course, "fun" is something very individual: I'm thinking I might start writing up the cashflow spreadsheet for 2021. :)
no subject
Date: 2022-01-05 04:20 pm (UTC)It was this one, if you're curious, although that scene is spoilery if you know what story it's from.
no subject
Date: 2022-01-22 12:34 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-01-05 11:55 pm (UTC)(Also I clicked through to that story-blog and they have no TOC??? Why?)
no subject
Date: 2022-01-06 04:08 pm (UTC)My guess is she didn't have the spoons to force Tumblr into doing something as un-Tumblr-like as a table of contents.
I'm not sure a TOC would help much, anyway: there isn't generally any continuity or shared settings between the stories.