(no subject)
Jun. 16th, 2019 10:09 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
brin_bellway[cw: illness, venting]
The worst part is knowing that it's my own damn fault. I tried too hard to avoid germs and fucked up my immune system by not giving it enough to do, and I suppose "can't go outside without a mask lest you constantly feel like you're about to come down with a cold" is a particularly *fitting* punishment for that.
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This post brought to you by a particularly prickly but slowly fading sore throat that seems to have been the result of going outside for a couple hours in *mid-June*, which suggests that I've added a *third* season to my list of allergenic pollens, and am probably now up to *seven* months of the year that I cannot safely breathe unfiltered air.
(tbh I don't know why my immune system is still upping its twitchiness level, despite my best efforts I've had like two colds over the past year, is that still not fucking enough for you)
(Mom told me she'd get me one of those fancy reusable masks like you see people in the Asian parts of town wear. I guess the valves would make it easier to keep my glasses from fogging up, and it sends a more accurate signal: "disposable face mask" suggests "contagious" and is likely to unnerve people, especially if they see me take it off and then go in and serve them fast food, whereas "reusable face mask" suggests "germophobe", which is both true and related, albeit indirectly.)
As recently as last year, I could breathe summer air. As recently as three or four years ago, I could breathe any damn time of year I wanted. But what the hell else am I supposed to do? Even if you ignore the inherent misery of a cold (but why should you?), these days I can't just put my life on hold until I'm not contagious anymore, not without consequences. Even if I did the evil thing and tried to continue going about my life while sick, often you *can't*. I have very little experience with remaining functional while depressed, and even people with lots of experience often fail at it.
The worst part is knowing that it's my own damn fault. I tried too hard to avoid germs and fucked up my immune system by not giving it enough to do, and I suppose "can't go outside without a mask lest you constantly feel like you're about to come down with a cold" is a particularly *fitting* punishment for that.
---
This post brought to you by a particularly prickly but slowly fading sore throat that seems to have been the result of going outside for a couple hours in *mid-June*, which suggests that I've added a *third* season to my list of allergenic pollens, and am probably now up to *seven* months of the year that I cannot safely breathe unfiltered air.
(tbh I don't know why my immune system is still upping its twitchiness level, despite my best efforts I've had like two colds over the past year, is that still not fucking enough for you)
(Mom told me she'd get me one of those fancy reusable masks like you see people in the Asian parts of town wear. I guess the valves would make it easier to keep my glasses from fogging up, and it sends a more accurate signal: "disposable face mask" suggests "contagious" and is likely to unnerve people, especially if they see me take it off and then go in and serve them fast food, whereas "reusable face mask" suggests "germophobe", which is both true and related, albeit indirectly.)
As recently as last year, I could breathe summer air. As recently as three or four years ago, I could breathe any damn time of year I wanted. But what the hell else am I supposed to do? Even if you ignore the inherent misery of a cold (but why should you?), these days I can't just put my life on hold until I'm not contagious anymore, not without consequences. Even if I did the evil thing and tried to continue going about my life while sick, often you *can't*. I have very little experience with remaining functional while depressed, and even people with lots of experience often fail at it.
no subject
Date: 2019-06-23 07:58 pm (UTC)It does seem to be a less common allergy manifestation: mostly when you hear people talk about allergic responses to pollen it's in the nose or eyes. I guess having it in the throat is better than those alternatives overall: I'm still perfectly functional, I don't (mask notwithstanding) falsely appear contagious. Really, while the pain is a little annoying in its own right, the main problem is the psychological aspect of never being quite sure that I'm not sick: yeah, these days the vast majority of sore throats I get are false positives, but not *all* of them are.