(no subject)
Dec. 3rd, 2019 10:56 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
brin_bellway[cw: hormones, mildly nsfw text, arguably tmi]
(not a *continuation* of this post so much as an interesting contrast with it)
If ovulation were one day long, I'd welcome it.
(yes, I'm aware that the egg only hangs around for about half a day, but the subjective effects linger for another four days or so afterward)
Even after multiple days straight of being *just* busy enough to keep me from having any long continuous chunks of quiet alone time, even at the stage of sexual frustration where I'm sleeping nine hours a day and still so exhausted I can hardly keep my eyes open, there's a *rightness* to it. It's *unfortunate* that the longing is quite so strong, and for something I cannot currently have, but it feels like something I'm *supposed* to want. It's good just to really embrace this part of my being every once in a while.
It's been about four days, so it's fading now. In the next menstrual phase I generally have no sex drive at all, barring extenuating circumstances. This tends to come as something of a relief at *first*, but I would *absolutely not* want to be stuck like that forever. I'm better at handling it than I used to be--I'm pretty sure this is a bad thing, a side effect of having spent so much time in survival mode, learning how not to want impractical things and how to ignore the hollows in your heart--but even so, I'd give it *maybe* a few weeks before I started deliberately sleep-depriving myself in an effort to feel *complete* again.
(Really, the only menstrual phase I'd want to be stuck in is the one after menstruation ends and before ovulation begins. That one's nice, very Goldilocks. I can be fully myself *and* able to concentrate on my studies.)
(not a *continuation* of this post so much as an interesting contrast with it)
If ovulation were one day long, I'd welcome it.
(yes, I'm aware that the egg only hangs around for about half a day, but the subjective effects linger for another four days or so afterward)
Even after multiple days straight of being *just* busy enough to keep me from having any long continuous chunks of quiet alone time, even at the stage of sexual frustration where I'm sleeping nine hours a day and still so exhausted I can hardly keep my eyes open, there's a *rightness* to it. It's *unfortunate* that the longing is quite so strong, and for something I cannot currently have, but it feels like something I'm *supposed* to want. It's good just to really embrace this part of my being every once in a while.
It's been about four days, so it's fading now. In the next menstrual phase I generally have no sex drive at all, barring extenuating circumstances. This tends to come as something of a relief at *first*, but I would *absolutely not* want to be stuck like that forever. I'm better at handling it than I used to be--I'm pretty sure this is a bad thing, a side effect of having spent so much time in survival mode, learning how not to want impractical things and how to ignore the hollows in your heart--but even so, I'd give it *maybe* a few weeks before I started deliberately sleep-depriving myself in an effort to feel *complete* again.
(Really, the only menstrual phase I'd want to be stuck in is the one after menstruation ends and before ovulation begins. That one's nice, very Goldilocks. I can be fully myself *and* able to concentrate on my studies.)
