Brin (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
brin_bellway) wrote2019-07-05 01:48 pm
brin_bellway) wrote2019-07-05 01:48 pm
Horizons
[cw: nsfw text, mildly discourse-y]
I know they generally mean well, I know it probably *is* a message some people need to hear, but god, I am so sick of people telling me to Not Limit Myself and Experience All of What Hypnosis Can Do.
As if calling something hypnosis is enough to make it sexually appealing when you're *not* a porn-starved child desperate for anything even resembling what they're into†! To hell with leaving my comfort zone: so much of my sexual development has been about ever-so-slowly figuring out what my comfort zone even *is*. Getting a better handle on my preferences, my strengths, my desires. Learning what I *actually want*, and not just a generalised sense of What People Want, or whatever I'm most likely to get.
(A lot of my development in general has been about that, I think. I was in a particularly good mood a couple evenings ago, looking back on the day and thinking about how pretty much everything I'd done was something I endorsed myself doing, something that fit with either my short-term or long-term goals and values. Having a better sense of myself, and acting upon that sense, fills me with joy.)
I keep on hearing claims that the idea of a primary modality is false and limiting and you should embrace your true multimedia nature, but...I remember talking with a sex blogger who didn't normally fantasise while masturbating and tried out doing it to see if it enhanced things, but he always found it too difficult to construct a multimedia fantasy--especially the visual parts--and the effort distracted him enough that it just ended up turning him off. And I said that it kind of sounded like the problem was that he was trying to run high-visual-detail fantasies on a low-visual-detail imagination, and that I dealt with having a low-detail visual imagination by just accepting it and not *trying* for detail. Sure, there's *some* vision in my fantasies, but it's primarily kinesthetic and verbal. *And that's okay.* You can play to your strengths! You're doing this for fun!!
(ah, *here's* that post I was thinking of)
I don't want darkness. I don't want psychonautics. I don't want stunts, at least not as a sex thing. I want to occasionally snuggle up in some blankets and doze off for 25 - 40 minutes or so, maybe with cuddling if there is ever anyone suitable to cuddle (but it's not a big deal if there isn't, lacking a partner doesn't seem to eat away at me the way it often does with allos). I'll gladly take techniques that aid me in my actual goals, and I'll learn about other stuff because it's neat or *perhaps* because it looks fun in a way that isn't sexually satisfying, but there's no need for it to be a package deal.
---
†I know I said I don't grok the concept of non-sexual hypnosis, but there's a difference between "sexual" and "sexually appealing". Bad sex is still recognisably sex.
I know they generally mean well, I know it probably *is* a message some people need to hear, but god, I am so sick of people telling me to Not Limit Myself and Experience All of What Hypnosis Can Do.
As if calling something hypnosis is enough to make it sexually appealing when you're *not* a porn-starved child desperate for anything even resembling what they're into†! To hell with leaving my comfort zone: so much of my sexual development has been about ever-so-slowly figuring out what my comfort zone even *is*. Getting a better handle on my preferences, my strengths, my desires. Learning what I *actually want*, and not just a generalised sense of What People Want, or whatever I'm most likely to get.
(A lot of my development in general has been about that, I think. I was in a particularly good mood a couple evenings ago, looking back on the day and thinking about how pretty much everything I'd done was something I endorsed myself doing, something that fit with either my short-term or long-term goals and values. Having a better sense of myself, and acting upon that sense, fills me with joy.)
I keep on hearing claims that the idea of a primary modality is false and limiting and you should embrace your true multimedia nature, but...I remember talking with a sex blogger who didn't normally fantasise while masturbating and tried out doing it to see if it enhanced things, but he always found it too difficult to construct a multimedia fantasy--especially the visual parts--and the effort distracted him enough that it just ended up turning him off. And I said that it kind of sounded like the problem was that he was trying to run high-visual-detail fantasies on a low-visual-detail imagination, and that I dealt with having a low-detail visual imagination by just accepting it and not *trying* for detail. Sure, there's *some* vision in my fantasies, but it's primarily kinesthetic and verbal. *And that's okay.* You can play to your strengths! You're doing this for fun!!
(ah, *here's* that post I was thinking of)
I don't want darkness. I don't want psychonautics. I don't want stunts, at least not as a sex thing. I want to occasionally snuggle up in some blankets and doze off for 25 - 40 minutes or so, maybe with cuddling if there is ever anyone suitable to cuddle (but it's not a big deal if there isn't, lacking a partner doesn't seem to eat away at me the way it often does with allos). I'll gladly take techniques that aid me in my actual goals, and I'll learn about other stuff because it's neat or *perhaps* because it looks fun in a way that isn't sexually satisfying, but there's no need for it to be a package deal.
---
†I know I said I don't grok the concept of non-sexual hypnosis, but there's a difference between "sexual" and "sexually appealing". Bad sex is still recognisably sex.